Souls of the Sea Swallows
by lissyjazz85
Summary: "Once upon a time there was a lonely boy, who knew nothing about himself. And there was a poor girl, that no-one ever listened to. Once upon a time there were two worlds, and the fate that made the boy and the girl to cross their paths. Once there was their story. And the past mistakes that made them to be separated forever."
1. Prologue

**!BEFORE YOU READ!**

**This fan fiction tells my own story of Milah and Killian. I am aware that some people do not like them together, or/and they do not like them as the characters. And it is perfectly fine with me. However if you are one of those people, I do not recommend you to read this story. I am also not recommending it for strong 'Captain Swan' shippers. Emma x Hook pairing is not going to happen in my story. Not now, not ever. Moreover, do not read this fic, please, if you truly do not like the idea of Killian being grown up Peter Pan, or Milah being his Wendy.**

**It is a story about love, however. Different kinds of love. And about sacrifice, and loss, and deep non-physical pain. This fan fiction will tell you Milah's story, Killian's story and their story – all from the very beginning. The prologue, however, tells you more modern "OUAT" story :) Just read it yourself :)**

**Good luck and enjoy!**

* * *

**Prologue:**

**Genre:**** Drama/Romance.**

**Rating:**** T.**

**Characters:**** Mainly Killian. Also partly Milah, Bae, Rumpel and unknown characters.**

**Pairings:**** Milah/Killian mainly.**

**WARNINGS:**** Language, angst, possible character's death, drama.**

* * *

**(1)"Dreams do come true, if only we wish hard enough.**

**You can have anything in life, if you will sacrifice everything else for it."**

**(2)"Love is our resistance,**

**they'll keep us apart and they won't stop.**

**Breaking us down and hold me.**

**Our lips must always be sealed."**

Once upon a time there was a boy, who wasn't that bad at all.

_"Wasn't that bad"_ - Killian laughed bitterly to himself at that thought. He didn't remember that boy anymore. He was gone for so long, that nothing of him was left in the dark haired man. In a man, who was now lying on the ground, coughing with his own blood. In a man, who was dying, but seemed to not care at all.

He fucked up.

He fucked up the most important thing in his life full of darkness, loneliness and evilness. He had lost everything.

**His Everything.**

_His Wendy._

That grey-green eyed and black-ink haired little girl, full of dreams and faith in a better world. That little girl, who desired so badly for adventures and freedom; who showed passion for magical creatures and everything that others wouldn't understand. She never asked for much. All she wanted, was being herself.

_His Hope._

_His Friend._

_His Joy._

_His Rock._

The only real thing in his life. And Killian didn't even know he was missing something until he met her. The girl who became the only woman he has ever loved. He would ever love. His life truly began the day, when he met her all those years ago. And it ended the day, when she was taken away from him. Although he made so many mistakes, he was wrong so many times, they finally were together. Truly together. But she was gone now, and so was he.

**(3)"If we live our life in fear,**

**I'll wait a thousand years**

**Just to see you smile again**

**Quell your prayers for love and peace,**

**you'll wake the thought police**

**We can hide the truth inside."**

_His Love._

_His Soul._

_His Heart._

_His Mind._

_His Land._

_His Queen._

_His Anchor._

_His Humanity._

Yes, she was his everything. She meant the world to him. He had sworn to protect her, no matter what. He had proved that so many times to her. He made the mental promise to himself that no one will ever hurt or humiliate her in any way again. He loved her. Probably too much, if that possible. And yet, he was the one, who has hurt her worst. First, when he was too scared to stay with her. It was the only time when he acted like a coward, and it had to cost her so much pain. All because he didn't fucking want to grow up. The second time when he hurt her, was when he had to let her go. When he didn't stop her, when she was leaving. Leaving in order to become responsible. To grow up. She was still just a child by then, and yet, she had to grow up. The third time he hurt her, was when he finally came back. Came back for her. To her. She never told him she regrets, but deep inside he knew – she paid too much for being free. The fourth and final time he truly hurt her, was when he didn't protect her. When he desperately fought against ties and dark magic, in the end, watching her die in his arms anyway.

_Her._

**His Milah.**

_His Swallow_, always watching over him. The only good thing in his life. The only thing worth growing up – she and her love. He wasn't alive anymore. He was breathing, and the organ that others called "heart" was still beating. He could drink, and smile, and fuck. But he didn't feel alive anymore. Killian died with her, all those centuries ago. He was Hook now. That fucking, crazy Captain Hook everyone has heard of, but no-one ever knew him at all. He had nothing to live for. All he wanted was revenge. For Milah's death. He didn't give a damn about his hand; it was her. She was haunting his dreams. It was her voice he has heard every night; it was her face and her dying eyes he has seen every time he was closing his eyes. She'd hate seeing him like this. She'd slap him and call him an idiot for what he became. She'd tell him that it's not worth it. That she, her death, isn't worth it. But she'd be wrong. Rumpelstiltskin had to pay for what he has done.

And he did. He finally did. Hook knew that no matter what much that Belle lad would love the Crocodile, she'd never look at him, she'd never trust him, like she used to. Not after everything she had seen and heard. The Captain made sure that she'd get to know every dark detail of Rumpelstiltskin's past. She wasn't aware how much her beloved lover has to hide. It wasn't that kind of revenge Hook wanted to take, but at least he did. He'd rather kill Belle; very slowly, very painfully, and he'd make that Coward watch. Every, damn second of it. Then, he'd watch him suffer, and finally, he'd kill him. In cold blood. There were times, when he was thinking about hurting Baelfire too. But he knew, he'd not. He wouldn't bear to feel the fear or the hatred and disgust from someone, who was so much like her. Sure, that boy was Crocodile's son – hell, he looked so much like him - but he was Milah's son as well. The last living reminder of the only person Hook ever loved, and the only person who truly loved him back. Him. The real him. The Lost Boy with no memory of himself. The pirate, whom she used to call the Lost Sea Prince. The man with such a twist story and with so many dark secrets. The overprotective and jealous lover, full of passion for her. The man, who wouldn't, who couldn't imagine his life with her gone forever. That's why she'd not blame him for what he became. Though she'd never, ever agree with his actions and new way of life.

**(4)"The night has reached its end**

**We can't pretend**

**We must run, we must run**

**It's time to run."**

For such a long period of time he was like a dead man. He was hiding himself, his endless sadness and deep anger, behind charming mask and ruthless actions. He'd stop at nothing to get his revenge. But yet, everything and everyone that reminded him, in one way or another, of Milah, was making him more... Killian-like again. However, just for a very short moment. Because that thing or person would also remind him about something, he was denying all the time – she'd never come back. She was gone. Deathly gone. If he could find a way to live his life once again, differently this time, and keeping Milah alive, he'd do anything and everything. However, in reality, it'd only be possible in another life, in a different time and place.

But now... Now he'd, he could finally say this. She was dead.

And so was he.

Without magic, he'd not survive; he didn't want to. On the one hand, he knew, he wasn't done yet. He wanted more. He desired to make Rumpelstiltskin suffer much more. No matter what. But on the other hand, he had enough. He wanted to die. It was the only thing he was truly dreaming about since long centuries. He wanted to go back to his very own, dreamed Neverland. He wanted to be free. Free with her. Somewhere, where they both belonged.

"Hook!" - he heard someone yelling. - "Hook, hold on!" - but he wasn't listening. He wasn't looking.

"What's wrong with him?" - somebody else asked.

"He was... Hell...

"...I don't..."

"...get him..."

"...late..."

He didn't hear anything else. He wasn't there anymore. He could see the land he knew so well. He could hear laughing children in the background, smell magical flowers in the air, see the Natives, the Fairies and... Good pirates. Yes, the pirates weren't always bad in Neverland. He made them like that. Captain Hook. Long lost Peter Pan, long dead Killian Jones, long...

Suddenly he heard familiar sound, immediately looking up the sky.

"Swallow" - he whispered to himself, smiling widely. He knew what it meant. He knew what was about to happen.

"_There is no place like home_" - they say.

And he agreed.

He finally came back home.

**(5)"Second star to the right and straight on 'til morning."**

* * *

_I hope you liked it :) And that I've done everything right. It's my second fan fiction, I'm still learning everything! :)_

**Credits:**

_(1) "Peter Pan" by J.M Barrie_

_(2) "Resistance" by Muse_

_(3) "Resistance" by Muse_

_(4) "Resistance" by Muse_

_(5) "Peter Pan" by J.M Barrie._

_I'm sorry for any grammar mistakes! It's easy to miss them :) Please, let me know :]_

_Thank you all for reading! :)_


	2. (1)The Perfect Candidate

**First of all, I'd like to say 'thank you' to Gill, Tonguemarksonmymirror, Lilo and Irene for their reviews and opinions. Especially to you, Tonguemarksonmymirror for your support and advices.**

**Lilo, answering your question – no, he's not dead. Not yet, anyway. He's now somewhere between life and death :)**

**And to YOU ALL for reading my story and for following it :)**

**Okay, let's start! Good luck to you all!**

* * *

_**Chapter 1:**__ The Perfect Candidate._

**Genre:** Drama, Angst, Family, Romance, Spirit.

**Rating:** T.

**Characters:** Mainly Killian. Also Smee, Regina, Tinkerbell, Milah and unknown characters.

**Pairings:** Killian/OC, Milah/Killian, Tinker/Hook, Regina/Smee, Regina/Hook.

_**WARNINGS:**__** Possible**__** rape(mentioned); violence; child abuse(mentioned); language; characters' death(mentioned).**_

* * *

_Killian's POV:_

_**(1)"You know that place between sleep and awake,**_

_**the place where you can still remember dreaming?**_

_**That's where I'll always love you.**_

_**That's where I'll be waiting."**_

Killian kept looking up at the sky, smiling widely. He knew he was about to die, but he wasn't scared. Suddenly he felt so... Peaceful. Suddenly he believed he can be happy again. Without _Her_ he was lost; he didn't know who he was anymore. But it was about to change now. He knew _She_ was near. He could feel it with his heart's beating. For real, this time.

"You've always seemed peaceful in Neverland" he heard familiar voice behind his back, turning as fast as he could to see the speaker.

"Hello, Tinker" Killian said, being unable to hide his disappointment. He hadn't seen the fairy in long centuries. And he didn't want to. He desperately ached for Milah. She was near, he knew it.

"You don't seem to be happy with seeing me" She noticed, smiling weakly. She hasn't changed, not even a bit. Why would she? "I guess it's because of your...pangs of conscience, isn't it?" she added, flying nearer to him "Was she worth it?" she asked, trying to touch Killian's cheek, but he didn't let her to do so. "Was she worth killing me, Pan?"

"The name is Jones. Killian Jones" he corrected her, looking away. Of course, he should have expected that question. He never forgave himself. He didn't even tell Milah about it. Milah, who knew everything about him, who knew every dark detail and secret of his past... ! Every, except this one. He'd never do that to her. He knew she'd blame herself, although she'd do nothing to change it. He'd not allow her for that. Killing Tinkerbell was the price _**he**_ had and has to pay. Pay for leaving Neverland and growing up. For finding Milah and taking her away. For giving her life she was made for. For watching her smile. For loving her and being loved by her. For holding her when she ached for her son. For arguing with her and making love to her. For fighting for her and protecting her. For teasing her for her stubbornness. For taking her where she belonged. For failing her and watching her die. For avenging her and her death. For being reunited with her.

One day.

Soon.

_**Pretty soon.**_

"She was, Tinker. She would always be."

___**(2)"I paid the cost too late.**_

___**Now you're gone."**_

* * *

_Killian's story:_

_**(3))"I'm afraid I can't explain myself, sir.**_

_**Because I am not myself, you see?**_

_Life isn't meant to be easy. Of course it isn't. Sometimes, however, it's even harder for some, right from the start. Because there is always beginning of every story. Especially the legendary one._

_Kingdom of Wessex; Early X century, Late Spring._

"Get ready to set sail!" Blond haired pirate shouted to his crew, coming up the ship. His face was hard, almost emotionless. The men seemed to be surprised, after all they've just came to the port yesterday's morning. No one dared to say anything, though. It was clear they were scared of their Captain, and it had nothing to do with respect. They were fully aware what he is capable to do. It was always enough for him to want to.

"How's the brat?" He snapped after few seconds, getting ready for the sail himself. The crew, however, stayed silent, though few men shivered nervously. "I asked something" he said watching them darkly.

"He's gone" young man finally said. He was scared, but less cowardly than others. "He ran away."

"What do you mean 'he ran away'? You want to say that you let him go, Wallace?" Captain asked, getting more and more annoyed. Band of idiots! "You better find him! He's our chance for the treasure!"

"He's just a boy, Captain!" Wallace knew that as long as you don't have death wish, it's better not to stand against Captain Blade. He was using his moniker for a reason after all. "No older than six."

"He's the royal bastard. They'll pay a lot to keep us quiet, and him, alive. He might be useful for them, when the time will come" Blade explained, looking up at the sky. It seemed that weather was perfect for sailing. "Go and find him" he ordered, still looking at the sky. "Take few men with you and do whatever is needed to get him back."

* * *

_Kingdom of Wessex; Almost a year later._

_"_Could you, please, help me?_"_ Young woman asked, trying to pick up a huge duffel. She was speaking to a very young boy, who was smiling beautifully to the thoughts only he knew. The boy seemed to be lost in his own world, looking at stars through a small window. He was a beautiful, tiny creature with big blue eyes and high hopes. He was a boy with dazzling dreams of endless freedom of soul. Yes, he felt trapped. He didn't belong here.

_"_Of course, Nanna_" _he said to her, without hesitation helping her with the duffel. A year had passed already since he was taken away from sea life. From the only life he truly knew. From a life he was born into. He knew how to hold a sword, before he learned how to speak. Although he was barely seven years old, he knew perfectly how to fight, to haunt, to love the wildness, nature and the sea. Or, of course, how to ruthlessly use that dirty mouth of his. That 'pirate blood' in him. Raised in hard and harsh times, in a brutal society, he was fully aware how cruel people might be. Nanna wasn't any different.

_"_I thought I've told you to stop doing that_" _she reminded him, when they finally found a perfect place to put down the duffel._ "_This is your life now. A pirate ship isn't a place for a child._"_

_"_I come from there. I shall always dream about the sea_" _he said, looking at her coldly._ "_Did you set the duffel for my mother?_"_

_"_You're asking me that every time_" _she noticed. It was clear she was annoyed._ "_Your whore mother will never come back. Keep that on your mind._"_

_"_She's not a whore! She's a pirate!_" _It wasn't their first argument about it. The boy's memory of his mother was still too fresh, too recent, to let anyone to cloud it, in any way. He knew her better than anyone else. She was the one, who taught him everything he knew and could do now._ "_She's better than you'll ever be!_"_ He kept shouting, and before he could do anything, he was slapped in the face. Hard._ "_Come on, do your worst. Or call that husband of yours_" _yes, sometimes he just couldn't be quiet. He was anything but a childlike. Life and fate have been far too harsh on him to let him ever be a child. Besides, in this society, he was already old enough to work and earn for family.

_"_Cellach, this is your life now. I'm sorry but you have to understand; your mother's promiscuity costed our family a lot. She tried to convince us that the Prince did something against her will, while she asked for it. She bore the consequences and gave a birth to you, but instead of staying in the village, she ran away with you. She chose a sea life over her family. She'd rather became the pirate's whore, than be a faithful wife_" _Nanna said, forcing boy to seat down on the wooden chair.

_"_This isn't my name._"_

_"_It is. And this is your life_" _she repeated._ "_She was a bad woman. But she is gone for good now._"_

_"_She's not. She'll come back. She'd always come back for me_"_ the boy kept saying desperately. This woman didn't know his mother. She was her cousin, but she didn't know her at all. He wasn't sure what she meant by some words, and he had a feeling that it was better not to know. He knew one thing for sure, however – Rowena would leave her son, but she'd never do that without knowing that he is safe._ "_And she's a pirate. One of the bravest that ever were born_"_ it was the truth. She was a better pirate than most of Captain Raven's crew. 'Cellach' never knew his father, and he never wanted to. He had Rowena, he had the pirates' crew, he had the Captain. It was enough. But there was one thing Nanna was right about – it wasn't a life for a child. Although he'd never understand it.

He still remembered that day perfectly. The day when everything changed. When Raven's ship was attacked by other pirates. When his mother made him to run away to save himself. It wasn't easy task to do, though. He was a damn stubborn creature. He wanted to fight, he did fight. Until Raven covered boy with his own body to save his life. Until 'Cellach' was all covered in Captain's blood. He had no idea what his mother told to the other crew, but instead of killing him, they took him away. Previously she made him to promise that he'll run away when he'll only get a chance to. That he'll go to Nanna and stay there, until Rowena come back for him.

And he did.

He listened to her.

**_And he was still waiting._**

_"_She's dead, you ungrateful bastard!_"_

_"_She's... She's what?_" _He tried to understand what his 'aunt' just said, but it was too much to handle. He didn't understand, he couldn't understand it...! He hated this life. He hated this land. He hated her. Before Nanna could stop him, he stood up and ran fast out of the small house he lived in. He had no idea where he was heading to, or how long he was running for, or how he ended in the middle of the forest. He didn't care at all that the night was coming soon. He didn't want to believe in what he just heard. He didn't want to believe he was left all alone, on the land. He had no sea around. He had no family anymore. Cause Nanna was anything but his family. She didn't even like him. She just simply owned something to his mother. Or that's what he heard. Rowena wasn't perfect. She probably wasn't even that kind of mother she should be. But she was his mother. And it was all that mattered to him. He knew that he will come back to the sea. And when the time will come, he'll avenge her. He'll avenge them all.

He didn't realise that he sat under the tree. He didn't know he was crying. He wasn't aware that someone was watching him. He didn't even try to fight against exhaustion. He cried himself to sleep.

___**(4)"You - you alone will have the stars as no one else has them.**_

___**In one of the stars I shall be living.**_

___**In one of them I shall be laughing.**_

___**And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing,**_

___**when you look at the sky at night...**_

___**You - only you - will have stars that can laugh.**__"_

* * *

___**(5)"This one's for the lonely  
The ones that seek and find  
Only to be let down  
Time after time."**_

_"_He's perfect_" _middle aged man said, watching sleeping boy. He was observing that young pirate's child since long months. He had plans for him. He was ready to change his whole life. _Forever_.

"You're sure about that?" Young woman asked. She was a very tiny creature, no taller than 4 feet and 7 inches. She had sweet, young face and big, violet eyes. "We both know there is no way back, Merlin."

"Every legend needs a hero" he said to her calmly. "And every legendary place needs a leader. He's perfect for it. He's perfect for Neverland."

"But why him? We've seen better candidates" she kept arguing.

_"_Maybe. But none of them was like him. None had such an innocent heart and such damaged mind. None of them believed in something so completely, none loved so passionately. He's too experienced to be a child, my dear Thumbelina. Therefore he'll always be unable to become an adult. He'll never fully grow up. He's a perfect candidate_" _Merlin explained.

_"_What shall we call him?_" _Thumbelina asked, seeming to understand the wizard's arguments now. Yes, wizard's. They've created fairylands together before, but this one... Neverland was special. It was about to be special.

_"_His mother named him Peter. Let's have him that_" _Merlin answered.

_"_Peter Pan___"_ she added, looking at boy with a small smile on her face._ "_The rock, the nature, the wildness._"_

_"_Ideal. Make sure he'll never leave Neverland for good._"_

_"_Me?_" _Thumbelina asked, surprised.

_"_He needs a guardian, and the land was your idea. You deserve for being a part of it_" _Merlin admitted, smiling sadly at her._ "_He will always be connected with Neverland. It'd never be the same without him. He cannot leave, otherwise..._" _he cut, not knowing how to say it.

_"_Otherwise what, Merlin?_"_

_"_He'll be cursed. For good._"_

_"_We shouldn't do that to him. To anyone. To any child_" _she couldn't agree with it. It was too much to pay.

_"_Everything comes with a price. I've done everything I could, Thumbelina_" _he knew that nothing good was waiting for Peter in this world. Neverland wouldn't hurt him._ "_He will not remember who he was. He will forget everything. Neverland will make him forget. He'll be happy there_" _he promised her._ "_He won't be alone. There will be others_"_ he told her the truth. He had everyone Neverland needed. Everyone, except Pan._ "_Be careful with travelling between the worlds. It's easy to get lost and there is no way back without magic_" _he warned young woman again, touching her left arm._ "_He cannot leave without you, remember it_" _he added and in a blink of an eye there was no Thumbelina anymore. Instead he could see a small, blonde haired fairy, who looked exactly like her, but was so tiny that it was easy to miss her.

_"_Use your powers wisely... Tinkerbell._"_

___**(6)"When I tried so hard  
And got so far  
But in the end  
It doesn't even matter  
I had to fall  
To lose it all  
But in the end  
It doesn't even matter."**_

* * *

___Present: Storybrooke;_

___**(7)"All this time spent in vain;**_

___**wasted years, wasted gain**_

___**All is lost but hope remains**_

___**and this war's not over."**_

A dark haired man was lying on the ground. He lost so much blood, he was barely conscious, and his skin was deathly pale.

_"_What's wrong with him?_" _Another man asked._ "_What's wrong with the Captain?_"_

_"_I wish I'd know, Smee_" _a woman answered him. She was probably in her late thirties, but she was still more beautiful than Snow White herself._ "_We have to help him, otherwise he'll die_" _she admitted, not knowing herself why she wanted to help him. Maybe because she was understanding his motives? His pain? Maybe because... Maybe because if there wouldn't be Hook, she'd never be reunited with her mother? She'd never have a chance to win Henry back? Because she was sure she'll win him back. He was her son. He was her life._ "_Let's get him to my mother. As much as I hate to admit it, she's the only one who can help him._"_

_"_But how? Rumpelstiltskin did this, it's obvious! Only he'd help him!_"_

_"_No Smee. Rumpelstiltskin would rip his heart out and crush it. It's his... Speciality_" _Regina never thought that she and Smee would be working together. But then, again, no longer than few weeks ago she'd never have believed that she'd be reunited with Cora. With her mother. With a woman that destroyed her life.

_"_So who then? Who did this?_"_

_"_Someone much more powerful than the Dark One himself._"_

___**(8)"There's no relief, I see you in my sleep  
And everybody's rushing me, but I can feel you touching me  
There's no release, I feel you in my dreams  
Telling me I'm fine."**_

* * *

**I hope you liked it :) Please, let me know what you think. And if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask! :)**

_**NEXT CHAPTER **_**is going to be special :) It'll be a small gift for you, my dear**_** Tonguemarksonmymirror :) **_**I hope you'll like it :) And that you liked this chapter :)**

**Thank you for all your reviews again and I'm sorry for any grammar mistakes! xxx**

_Credits:_

_(1) "Peter Pan" by J.M Barrie_

_(2) "Falling Slowly" by G. Hansard_

_(3) "Alice in Wonderland" by L. Carroll_

_(4) "The Little Prince" by A. de Saint-Exupéry_

_(5) "Comes and Goes" by G. Laswell_

_(6) "In the End" by Linkin Park_

_(7) "Shattered" by Trading Yesterday_

_(8) "Dark Paradise" by Lana Del Rey._


End file.
